Subconscious schmonscious

It's slowly but surely becoming a reality....as Frankie would put it, "I'm leaving on a jet plane" in ten days...yikes!

Here's the catch: I'm not even aware of just how scared/nervous I really am. To everyone that asks I calmly respond that I'm anxious to get there, and I'm doing everything I have to to make sure that all goes well. What's more I even told my parents that I'd be fine and not to worry; I told them there was no need to come and see me before next year.

So if all is well, why can't I sleep? Why have I taken up piano again? Why have I taken up photography again? Even this blog screams subconscious stress from a mile away. Am I simply using occupational therapy as an escape valve or am I simply becoming more active? 

I've experienced this kind of stress before, and still do. When my parents got divorced, for example, I got this tick where I would count the syllables of whatever word or sentence I was saying and see if it came out to be an even or odd number. It sounds wacky, but who doesn't have a wacky tick? "A otros les da por peinar bombillas" ('others choose to comb lightbulbs')

Truth is I don't know if I should be worried or not. Objectively, this is going to be a radical change in my life, and yet I know I want it to take place...it already is. I guess this is like the night before a plane trip, I can never sleep. Bad part is this is stretching itself out for about a month.